In this weeks article, Jamez shares some of his thoughts and experiences as an introvert living in a world that seems to embrace the ideal of extraversion, and he gives some valuable tips for extroverts to get the most out of working with those who are a little different from them.
We live in an extrovert-rich society. Everywhere we go, everything we do – the ideal of extraversion thrives. Schools teach our children from the moment they arrive that they need to involve themselves in group activities and that to succeed in this modern society you need to be bold, loud, and “grab life by the proverbials”.
Desks are huddled together with 4 to 6 students collaborating on tasks and the quieter students who aren’t as eager to be involved may be thought of as “difficult cases” by their teachers or “nerds” by their peers.
Culture has shifted from art and sculpture to popular music and film. Our idols are charismatic stars on the big screen and stage performers who manipulate “the system” through bold and brash vocals. In a relatively short space of time we’ve gone from working in agriculture alongside family and close friends to fighting for superiority amongst strangers in crowded commercial urban environments.
This evolution of modern society means that often the opinion of the loudest person in the room is the one followed by the group. Emphasis is placed on qualities like charisma and magnetism. Self help books have gone from titles like “Character: The grandest thing in the world” to “How to win friends and influence people”.
But what about the quieter, more reserved characters – are their opinions less valid? Are they less capable?
Most people credit Steve Jobs alone with the creation of Apple Computers. It was actually Steve Wozniself-recognisedgnised introvert, who invented the first Apple Computer while working alone late at night for months on end at Hewlett Packard. Wozniak showed his invention to his friend, Jobs, who was so impressed he suggested they start a company together, and the rest is history.
The point I’m trying to make is that society is structured in such a way as to “let us” too often overlook the input of the quieter introverted people, and credit the charismatic and eccentric extroverts. One out of every two to three people are introverts. Chances are, if you’re not on that side of the Introvert Scale, one of the people sitting either side of you is, and every second or third client or customer is too.
If you feel that you are an introvert, I hope you are now wearing a smile of recognition… “Finally, someone understands!”, and you’re probably going to agree with most of the points I’m about to make. If you don’t feel that you fit on the introvert side of the spectrum this post may be a bit of an eye opener to you, and I encourage you to make note of some of the points below.
It’s important that in a culture that has a preference to nurture extrovert personalities we remind ourselves that the chaos of the urban life can be overwhelming for the more introverted among us, and that as client facing professionals there are things we need to understand, be aware of and do, to help make our more introvert inclined clients, customers and colleagues feel as comfortable as possible. Most introverts are very loyal to those they feel close to. If you can win over an introvert, you’ll have likely found yourself a client or ally for life!
Below are a few examples of common traits most introverts share and tips on how to conduct your normal client procedure while ensuring they’re made to feel as comfortable as possible:
Introverts often function better working alone.
If you have an introverted client, try to minimise the amount of people involved in working with them, especially in face to face meetings. One on one may be the most comfortable experience for some of them.
Don’t push too hard too early.
Pressuring an introvert too soon in your relationship can often scare them off. Introverts choose their connections very carefully. Once trust has been established an introvert will be far more comfortable than most people with opening up to you and sharing personal information.
Let them observe.
If you have a client couple and one of them is an introvert it’s perfectly okay to let them be the observer for the majority of the meeting. Chances are most couples will have already established this approach in most activities. Most people – and introverts especially – don’t like being put on the spot. They’re far more likely to have meaningful input, or recall specific details when being the observer of a question rather than it being directed at them.
Space and silence.
These are two of the most valuable things you can offer an introvert. Keep meetings somewhat ‘short and sweet’. As the meeting draws to a close why not recommend a quiet cafe nearby if they’re in need of a refresher. Time to unwind after discussing important topics is valuable to an introvert.
Don’t draw attention to them.
Introverts very rarely get a kick out of being the centre of attention or being asked to talk about themselves. If you have to kill time, make small talk about something general but carries depth. Share your experiences with them and let them open up if they feel comfortable, and avoid bluntly asking their opinion.
Keep it simple.
Socialising can be very draining to an introvert – and at times even unfulfilling. Groups of people can become very claustrophobic. Just as an introvert works better alone, they also socialise better in smaller more intimate groups.
Rechargeable batteries.
Introverts and extroverts charge their energy levels in very different ways. For example, where some extroverts will fill their whole weekend with lots of exciting activities with groups of friends, the introvert will at most times have a preference for a low-key weekend at home to unwind and recharge. Introverts are more likely to be in their element after a period of quiet time, so try booking face-to-face appointments with them earlier in the week.
They’re not shy – just quiet.
Introverts are very comfortable with silence. They’re good at listening to and observing their surroundings without adding any extra disturbance of their own. Introverts will chime in to a conversation when they have something valuable to add – in the mean time, they may remain as quiet as a mouse!
Acknowledgement is key.
Take the opportunity to acknowledge an introvert when they’re speaking in a group. As mentioned above, an introvert will often only participate in a conversation when they feel comfortable and when they feel they have something valuable to add. For some introverts, failing to be acknowledged repeatedly can feel like a kick in the guts.
Let them express their thoughts uninterrupted.
Always try to avoid speaking over an introvert before they’ve finished what they have to say. In a world full of noise, being given the opportunity to break through it uninterrupted is most appreciated by an introvert.
I really hope that some of the points I’ve made are of help to you in understanding and interacting with your more introverted clients, colleagues, and people you may interact with in your personal life also. We too often unthinkingly lean towards embracing the Extrovert Ideal as the status quo.
By all, means we need the diversity of both introverts and extroverts to move forward and grow in both business and as a society. However, it’s important to always keep in mind that no two people are the same, and not everyone is going to feel comfortable in the same ways you do. Empower those around you by allowing them to show their strengths. Your future will thank you for it.
If you’d like to explore your personality in more depth, a great online test to take is the Myers-Briggs test on Truity.com. If you’d like, post your results on Facebook and tag us. We’d love to hear from you!
CLICK HERE FOR THE MYERS BRIGGS TEST