People aren’t just born with confidence. It may be true that uncontrollable circumstance and life experience contribute to your level of confidence (or lack of), but this too shows that it is not generally an inherent disposition. You CAN teach yourself to be more confident.
On the other hand there’s cautious; it is a natural way of being but it could also be misinterpreted as shyness or lack of confidence. After all historically, our default position is to protect and defend ourselves, i.e. fight or flight.
But the good news is that we can break free from these ingrained patterns and become our true selves. If confidence comes from the removal of fear then it can only be fear that is holding you back, not the mistaken notion that you are not confident. And when it comes to Social Media, this could be your main stumbling block.
In varying scenarios and to different degrees, the vast majority of us are in the same boat here. So with a view to better understanding each other and our aligned inclination to embrace fear, let’s take a look at some thoughts around how we can operate in a way that, as a bonus, will boost our confidence and ultimately make YOUR world (first internal, then external) a better place.
Be grateful (from the first minute)
Tomorrow, make a point of “studying” some of the initial thoughts that pop into your mind as you go about your morning activities. Inadvertently you could be programming yourself for a day of leaning towards negativity, fear and shying away from the world. Once you put this wall up you are cutting yourself off from the great things that may come. Optimism is a choice and it’s the best friend of confidence! One way you could think of it is – billions of people around the world don’t have the opportunities that you have… everyday.
Be prepared
Preparation can increase your feelings of confidence in virtually any situation. I feel this is self explanatory but one thing I will say is – if you are feeling unprepared and need help or clarity, ask for it! Don’t assume that people know what you want or need. Here’s a little secret for you… most people like it when you ask them for help; showing some vulnerability is not a bad thing. If you get the answers you need you will feel more prepared and this can only lead to more confidence.
Leave your comfort zone
Aside from always maintaining ‘status quo’ (or some would say ‘being stagnant’) you always have two options. One is to expand outside of your comfort zone, the only other alternative being to contract or reduce; basically pulling away from the things you need to confront (positive or negative). Stepping outside of your “safe” space is the only way to learn, grow and broaden your horizons.
Be ready for failure
If you are growing and expanding it means you are “going somewhere” (and the road isn’t always easy). You’ll always have questions, concerns and opposing interests standing in your way. But you know what – it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to fail. It’s how you own that failure that counts. However having confidence in yourself makes it much easier to get back up, refocus, and get on that road to success again.
Watch your thoughts
Make sure to check out today’s Fast Fact to understand what we are getting at here. In the aftermath of failure, your mind will lean towards finding blame and ‘beating yourself up’ rather than seeking causes and solutions. If you know where you want to go, keep that as your focus and find the confidence to go there! When it comes to the 85 – 90% of your thoughts that may be negative, I suggest you put them under observation; what is it you are really telling yourself when that little voice in your head starts talking and how rational is it? And remember, your outlook (whether negative or positive) will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So surround yourself with the right peeps!
Look after yourself
Nothing else will be truly effective unless you prioritise this, so stop letting it drop off your to-do list. I don’t need to rehash the evidence that getting enough sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet is good for you. It profoundly affects everything else in your life. A simple yet great way to look after yourself is to practice breathing. As much as you can, take the job away from your unconscious mind, and come to realise that you are in complete control of your body and everything you do, think or say. This way of acquiring some self awareness brings a confidence boost like no other. Not forgetting how much more alert you will feel with all that oxygen saturating your brain.
Don’t hold back
It’s all about iteration, if you wait for perfection you’ll never start. What is the worst that can happen? Ask yourself that question and you’ll find the answer is not that scary after all and at worst not something that you couldn’t solve or ‘come good’ from. People that appear strong and confident have really just let go of fear. If you struggle with getting into this growth oriented mindset, why not find a mentor. Someone you trust that you can freely express your feelings to. There should be no stigma attached here, we all need a little help from our friends sometimes.
If our 65,000 thoughts a day are anything to go by, it’s about time we started to make a choice about how we think and what we think about. At the end of the day, your thoughts and therefore your confidence are in your hands. But confidence is only a piece of the bigger puzzle – what it really comes down to is making the choice to believe in your ability to succeed, accepting yourself and learning to love who you are… from this very minute onwards.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.
– Bob Marley